


How to Successfully Obtain a Mini-Fridge

by manfred_stone



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Corpses, M/M, Post S2, and a mini-fridge getting covered in rotten guts, as a treat, but also fluff, guest appearance by silvia de la cruz, just a little bit, like this takes place ten seconds after s2e10, nandor and guillermo being terrible at feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-23 06:34:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30051375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manfred_stone/pseuds/manfred_stone
Summary: After the events of the Nouveau Théâtre des Vampires, Guillermo finds himself still in need of a fridge for his mother. His options vary between swallowing his pride and going back to the Vampire Residence, or turning to household-appliances theft.
Relationships: Guillermo de la Cruz & Nandor the Relentless, Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	How to Successfully Obtain a Mini-Fridge

_“I don’t care what the fuck your name is, we had to pick up our own laundry!”  
  
_

The second he heard Nandor’s voice, he knew all the trouble he’d went through wasn’t worth it. It was as if he’d fallen for their tricks all over again, but those vampires had been part of his life for over eleven years. The last thing he wanted was for them to be publicly executed after what he could only define as a painstakingly inaccurate recreation of events.  
  


He took a few steps towards the stage and sighed. “Okay then.”  
  


Contrary to what Nandor seemed to expect from him, Guillermo helped with Laszlo’s restraints first and then made his way down the line. When Nandor’s turn came, he hurriedly did what he was supposed to, then turned his back to him.  
  


“Hey, Guillermo!”  
  


The temptation to turn back around and go back to him was strong, but he bit his lip and carried on.  
  


“Guillermo, where are you going?”  
  


Nandor sounded like he really had no clue why Guillermo would just walk away from him. He’d heard him.   
  
He’d heard all of what he said, his admission that he cared about him included, but Guillermo hadn’t had the time to process all that. He’d barely processed his own feelings in that moment, taking onto Nandor’s as well would have meant his mental demise.

“I’m not your familiar anymore.” He managed to say. His throat was tight, the words barely fit through.

  
Suddenly, Nandor’s imposing frame came into his field of view, appearing from his side as he leaned to look at Guillermo’s face.  
  


“What do you mean you’re not my familiar,” Nandor said. “Yes, you are!”  
  


He stayed silent hoping Nandor would eventually move and let him leave, or, less likely, figure out he really couldn’t want Guillermo as his familiar. Guillermo de la Cruz, of Van Helsing descent.

  
“Are you upset because I said I ripped your head off?” Nandor seemed uncomfortable at his silence and fidgeted with his hands. “I am not going to do that.”

Well, that was a reassurance he couldn’t live without.  
  


Guillermo’s shoulders dropped as he finally turned and faced Nandor. “Are you going to keep pretending I am not covered in vampire blood?”  
  
It wasn’t the first time Guillermo found himself doused so abundantly in blood, though the sheer fact it was vampire blood made it harder for him to even sit still, in front of his former vampire master.  
  


There was a reason he’d left. It made his heart heavy, and it made his head pound, but it was his decision and he was going to stand by it. Despite all he’d done in eleven years, he was no closer to being a vampire than he was when he started working for Nandor. Actually, now that he’d just killed several of them, he might be even further than he was when he started out as a familiar.  
  
  
“ _Yeesh_ — perhaps you should take that off.” Nandor grimaced, pointing at his coat. The man was already as fixated on hygiene as vampirically possible, Guillermo had seen him fuss over much less than bloodstains, but this time he went as far as to reach out and tug at one of his sleeves.  
  


Guillermo would have gladly told him to get going, but he bit his tongue long enough to hear Nadja call after him.

_“Nandor, you big stupid turkey, are you admiring the view? We’re leaving!”  
  
_

Taking advantage of the distraction, Guillermo took one step back, then, as his chest tightened beyond what he thought was human limit, he hurried out the theatre, away into the comfortable darkness of the night.

* * *

Surprisingly enough, it took only three days for him to try his luck again at the Vampire Residence. The surprise mainly resided in the fact he’d chosen to torture himself by going back to fetch Topher’s mini-fridge instead of turning to household appliances theft or something of the sort.

Alas, he was in desperate need of a fridge, and since his mother had been kind enough to let him stay with her, the last thing he could do was burden her with financial expenses.  
  


When he’d chosen to become a familiar, he really hadn’t foreseen he’d end up with even less money than when he worked at Panera Bread, though he knew this job wasn’t listed in Forbes’ top ten highest paying salaries.  
  


He paced all morning, still sleep deprived but this time, instead of being plagued by dead bodies to get rid of, what bothered him was the question: _Now what?_

Not only he wasted eleven years trying to become something most people didn’t even believe in but all this time he hadn’t even bothered coming up with a plan B. The glimmer of the faintest possibility Nandor would turn him had made him blind enough not to consider what to do if it didn’t work out.

Guillermo had wanted to believe that it would, in fact, work out, or that he’d die in some weird way like all of Nadja and Laszlo’s familiars.  
  


 _Now what?_ It lingered.

  
He hadn’t planned for it to end up like this. The thought was not much of a comfort, but Guillermo knew he really had tried his best. _A great familiar,_ as Nandor had told him, once.

What more could he even have done besides, maybe, not kill vampires?   
  


Even then, when he killed vampires it was only so he could protect his master from harm, it wasn’t something spontaneous. Mistakes, nothing more. He had never gone around seeking vampire blood to quench a thirst he wasn’t sure he had. Either he defended himself or his master.

To be sure he wouldn’t have had to see anyone, Nandor being first on the list of people he would rather not have met, it was the middle of the afternoon when Guillermo walked past the threshold, sunlight pouring in the entrance for a brief moment.  
  


“Nadja? Laszlo?” He called, keeping his voice low, given that it was very improbable for any of the vampires to be awake at such an early hour. “… Nandor? – It’s Guillermo.”

He crept around a few corners, checking the library first, then glanced at the stairs that led upstairs. Even if Colin Robinson was home, he was the last of his worries.  
  


All he had to do was get it over with, so, even despite the nagging thought in his head to check in on Nandor, he made his way to his once-closet-bedroom through a fairly impressive number of corpses left lying on the carpets. Had he been still a familiar, he might have considered cleaning up the mess, but that wasn’t his job anymore. The only thing he hoped for was that they hadn’t started using his room as a corpse-storage since they seemed to have run out of room everywhere else.

Guillermo had been expecting the worst when he moved the curtain aside, but what he found was simply astonishing.  
  


If he were to give it a second thought, that sight was a bit ridiculous, but at a first glance, Nandor looked very sad as he slept, crammed onto his small bed.

Kudos to him, for still trying to maintain his vampiric composure, arms crossed over his chest and all, but with half of his legs dangling off the bed, the effect wasn’t quite as cool.  
  


Guillermo’s choices were now narrowed to a two-point list. He could wake Nandor up and ask him what he was doing there, or he could turn around and pretend he hadn’t seen anything. And go steal a fridge or preserve all his food in salt from then on, something of the sort.  
  


For the sake of Nandor’s eight-hundred-year-old back, he should have woken him up. Though vampires were sort of immune to injuries and such, a bad posture while sleeping would get them to feel worse than usual. He remembered well how it went the time Nandor felt experimental and slept on his side instead of his back.

On the other hand, he wasn’t sure how Nandor would react to his visit, and, most importantly, how harsh a conversation with his, probably quite sleepy, but, nonetheless, former vampire master would be on his mental stability.

Despite what Nandor did and didn’t do wasn’t his business anymore, he still cared about him. Too much, he would have added, but he really didn’t want to go there.  
  


“ _Mas_ -… Nandor?” He called, not loudly enough to wake Nandor, but he saw his eyebrows furrow. “It’s not safe for you to sleep here, sunlight could come in.”  
  


Nandor let out a groan, which Guillermo could only interpret as _‘leave me alone’_ , but he had to press on.  
  


“Nandor, you really shouldn’t sleep here.”  
  


_He really couldn’t stay away from him, could he?  
  
_

Where had all of his decisiveness gone, now that Nandor was stirring and awake? All he could think of was to go get his brush so he could get his hands onto him again, with the excuse of fixing his hair.  
  


Nandor’s surprisingly soft eyes set on him as he struggled to sit up. He’d always found his eyes oddly warm, not as sharp and menacing as one would figure them to be on a creature of the night such as a vampire.

It was why Guillermo had grown accustomed to him way too easily and struggled to even consider the idea Nandor might be a threat to him. The only harm he’d ever done to him was due to his heavy-handedness, and most importantly, Nandor himself had never intended to drop him.  
  


“Guillermo, why did you wake me!” The vampire hissed, groggily swaying into a sitting position. “At least you’re not covered in blood anymore, that was not hygienic.”  
  


Guillermo really wasn’t sure he could say the same about Nandor, he was wearing the same clothes he’d seen him in at the Theatre, minus the cape. Even his hair seemed to have not been touched since.  
  


“Yes, well, it’s not safe for you to sleep here. The curtains could still let some light through if the door’s open, so why here?”

 _Why not go straight to the point_ , Guillermo thought. There wasn’t really any need to circle around the issue anymore, he’d chosen to stay and talk to Nandor, the least he could do was say what he actually had on his mind.

“This was my room, any other room is bigger than this, and you have your own coffin upstairs. So why would you come sleep here of all places?”  
  


Nandor tilted his head like a scolded puppy. “... The latch is stuck again; I can’t get into my coffin.” He murmured, then sighed. Admitting it had definitely taken a chunk of his pride. He had plenty, he’d be fine, Guillermo wasn’t particularly worried.

“That doesn’t really answer my question.”  
  
  
Nandor stood up and groaned, now towering over Guillermo and seemingly more awake than he was just a few moments earlier.

Somewhere, Guillermo had read that men back in the 1200s, on average, were much shorter than most modern men, and somehow the living exception to such a statement stood before him. Out of all the Al Quanadarese men to become a vampire, Nandor and his imposing height had to be the one standing in front of him.  
  


The embarrassment on Nandor’s face was clear, and for once Guillermo shared his feelings. This encounter was, indeed, awkward and it reminded him of the list of reasons he should just have spun on his heels and left.  
  


“I, actually, came here just to fetch the mini-fridge.” He said and turned to make sure that Topher’s once-beloved mini-fridge was still where he’d left it. “I can see that... You’re still not good at just talking, so I’ll get out of your hair in a second.”

It hurt to say, and it hurt that Nandor hadn’t tried to communicate with him in an honest way, but Guillermo wasn’t sure he could expect it from him. Eleven years and it happened twice, so his odds of getting Nandor to admit he cared again were slim.  
  


“ _Okay, okay!_ You don’t have to threaten me, I’ll tell you!” Nandor fidgeted.  
  


Guillermo raised his eyebrows. _When, exactly, had he threatened Nandor?  
  
_

“I was sleeping here because... I wanted to see if you came back. I was very worried! I did not know where to look for you to be certain you were alright, and you left the theatre before I could see if you had any injuries! That was very reckless, Guillermo! Humans are very fragile, you should really be careful.”  
  


Guillermo had to admit to himself he’d been partially wrong. Nandor wasn’t inherently dishonest, he was just very bad at understanding feelings in general. Not taking account of Guillermo’s feelings simply came along with his general incomprehension of such things.

“You looked for me?” He asked.  
  


Nandor nodded, then looked away. “You’re my familiar. I told you before, haven’t I? You’re very important to me.”

Guillermo stood still in his incredulous state for a while, despite the rapidity of the thousand new thoughts in his head.

“So... would I still be important to you, if I were anything but your familiar?” He took a small, hopeful step closer.

  
Nandor made a sound that most definitely surprised him more than Guillermo. Either the question had caught him off guard or he was choking on air– both options were equally plausible when it came to Nandor.  
  


 _“Ah, uh–”_ He shifted his weight on his feet, but it seemed like Guillermo’s stare had Nandor glued where he was standing.

“What kind of a question is that!” He huffed, but then soon let his shoulders drop. “Of course, you’re important to me. Even if you don’t want to be my familiar, which is fine, but it would be more fine if you still were my familiar because...”

Nandor sat back on the old mattress. “Because I need you and I miss you.”  
  


Guillermo felt his cheeks flush, but with determination and using the little amount of calmness left in him, he willed himself to take a seat next to Nandor.

They sat in silence before Guillermo finally turned to him and said, “You surely don’t have any doubts, but you’re important to me, too.”

 _“But you left again.”_ There was no mistaking the hurt in Nandor’s voice.  
  
“Well, I’m sure you’ve noticed I’ve killed some vampires...”  
  


“I murdered many humans, Guillermo, it doesn’t matter! You would not hurt me, I am certain of it.” Nandor ended his sentence with a hiss, a sign he either didn’t think much of Guillermo’s murderous nature or he was very confident in his own strength. Everything about Nandor told him he’d decided his familiar, despite everything, was not dangerous.   
  
“How can you know that? Some of the vampires I killed, they were strong, you know!” Guillermo crossed his arms over his chest and huffed. “I’m just worried about your safety, Nandor, I didn’t leave out of the blue because I couldn’t take it, I’ve been a familiar for eleven years!”  
  
Arguing made him unable to sit still, so he stood up. “If I have to be honest, I’ve even thought about murdering Laszlo before I left.”

  
Nandor chucked, “Even Nadja tries to murder Laszlo sometimes! And it is fine, you can do a little murdering, I do not mind, Guillermo.”

“It’s not fine!” He considered storming out, but moving the curtains meant letting in light that could possibly hurt Nandor. He opted for pulling out one of his stakes instead– _maybe if he could just show Nandor how serious the situation was..._

The vampire’s smirk did not fade from his face at the sight of it, instead, he raised his eyebrows.

He was about to say something- probably joke about how, even despite the weapon, he still looked way too cute to be afraid of him, when Nandor found himself suddenly pulled up by his shirt collar and pushed against the wall, the wooden stake pressed on his chest.

Though Nandor did not breathe on the regular, he found himself breathless at Guillermo’s show of strength.

Perhaps it was the determination in his eyes, or perhaps the fact Nandor had been unable to stop thinking about Guillermo in that theatre, kicking, stabbing and covered head to toes in blood, but he didn’t even try to fight back or get the very dangerous wooden stake away from his chest.  
  


 _“Why don’t you get it?”_ Guillermo panted, looking up at him. “There are so many things I’ve done and that I live with, but I couldn’t forgive myself if something happened to you. That’s why I left.”

It took everything he had to hold back the sobs, and it still wasn’t enough. A single whimper left him before he managed to contain it.

The last thing he wanted to do was start crying, though just the sheer amount of emotions running through him made his eyes watery. It was completely unfair how his body betrayed him by having such telltale reactions.  
  


He looked away from Nandor, though his expression hadn’t changed much since he’d slammed him into the wall: complete and utter shock. Perhaps now Nandor would absolutely agree with him on the fact he should not be around any vampires, least of all Nandor.  
  


Letting go of the shirt collar was harder than he’d expected, because even though it was beyond preposterous he even went there, Guillermo was still touching Nandor in some capacity, and God, he’d missed it.  
  


“I’m sorry,” He muttered. “I’ll... I know-"  
  
“I do... I do get it, Guillermo.”  
  


Guillermo thought his heart would soon burst if he kept the entire crush-on-your-boss thing going.

He felt Nandor move against him, pushing the stake against his chest aside, and taking hold of his wrist.

His entire body stiffened in a mixture of confusion and excitement.

They both leaned in, it happened so slowly, yet he couldn't tell who moved first. Before he knew, his lips were against his own.

A vampire would hiss at such thoughts, but there was no convincing Guillermo heaven didn’t feel exactly like kissing Nandor the Relentless.  
  
  


Nandor had always been quite put together. Even despite his superficial dumbfounded demeanour, Guillermo knew he wasn’t as dense as he presented himself to be, but the last thing he expected from someone as composed as Nandor was for him to absolutely lose it at the first sign of affection.

They’d barely parted from one another between a kiss and another, but, within minutes, Nandor had already subtly directed him towards the poor excuse of a bed and then pulled him down so he’d be sitting on his lap.

When he’d first moved into that small closet he called his room, Guillermo had imagined all kinds of scenarios, often wondering about the time he’d finally become a vampire and he could, perhaps, have a relationship with another vampire. With the years passing, and with Nandor being... Nandor, Guillermo had dared wonder about how it could feel to be with him romantically.

Never had he thought that it would ever be his reality.

Now Nandor firmly yet gently held him by the waist, fingers digging into his sides, seemingly both unable and unwilling to part from him.  
  


Guillermo had to admit, he enjoyed the affection, so much so that all thoughts besides Nandor’s lips on his became static.

The only small problem that came with his temporary bliss, was that he’d completely forgotten why he’d come into the Residence in the first place.

“Guillermo?” Nandor parted from him with a pained sigh. “Your... bum is vibrating. Is that something humans normally do?”

There was a three second pause, during which Guillermo tried to understand what in the world Nandor had just told him, but then he felt it as well.

“Oh, Oh- _Shit._ ” He’d forgotten his mother for an entire afternoon– suddenly he felt his blood run cold. He fumbled for his phone, answering the call even though he could see Nandor was beyond confused by his reaction.  
  


“Hey– _Ho- Si, ya llegué!_ ”

Even though he was not physically seeing his mom, Guillermo could tell how worried she looked in that moment. He knew it was his fault for forgetting about the mini-fridge, but how could he have not, when Nandor was right there.

The vampire tilted his head in his confusion, looking at Guillermo and his phone with some sort of fascination.

 _“Regresaré en... no sé... ¿media hora?”_ Guillermo did feel quite observed, if he had to be honest, but he would deal with his eventual questions once he was done trying to find an excuse for his being late, one that was not _‘I just sort of confessed my love to a former ottoman ruler who is, coincidentally, also a vampire and I made out with him for God knows how long.’_  
  
“Yes, I’ll– _Gracias, mamá. Hasta luego._ ” He tapped the red icon, and put his phone back in his pocket.  
  
When Guillermo turned to Nandor again, he found him staring wide eyed, he could almost see a question mark written all over his face.

  
“I... I should get going. My mom called, she really needs the mini-fridge.” It pained him to have to leave, but most importantly, it pained him the fact he didn’t know whether or Nandor would be safe in his absence.  
  
“You’re leaving?” Nandor dropped his arms to his side, letting go of Guillermo’s waist.  
  
“I have to get back to my mom.” As he carefully climbed down Nandor’s lap, Guillermo noticed Nandor wasn’t looking at him. He cupped his cheek and sighed before pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Don’t let vampire assassins in. Except for me.”

Turning around and taking the mini-fridge into his arms wasn’t much of a struggle, but he definitely knew that it would be harder to make his way through the corpses in the entrance with that heavy white box and, more importantly, simply not just giving up and go back to Nandor would be the hardest thing he’d done in a while.

  
He pushed the curtain back with his shoulder and gave one last glance to Nandor. He still looked like he had barely any idea what was happening, but his hand had come up to his face, where Guillermo had touched his cheek just a moment before.

Who would have known that the secret weapon against Nandor the Relentless was a kiss on the forehead.

He gave him a smile and spun on his heels, disappearing behind the curtain, but then immediately dropped the mini-fridge on a corpse.  
  


It would have been a cooler exit, hadn’t Guillermo cursed his entire way out, dragging a now half-white half-crimson big metal box, but guts on the fridge aside, he felt like he could call this the best afternoon of the last eleven years.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! – this is my first nandermo fic, but I really hope the characterisation is not too ooc. chapter 2 should be coming any time soon!


End file.
